Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Enjoy the penises
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
