Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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