Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
