i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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