I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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