I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
