My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
