I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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