i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
