if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
