Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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