I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
