Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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