Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
