My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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