She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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