Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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