I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
