the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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