Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
