I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
