The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
