I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
