wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.