Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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