i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.