I am spending my child support on dildos
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.