Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
