I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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