My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize