Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
