We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
