I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
