i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
