so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
