What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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