If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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