So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
