I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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