im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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