He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
