i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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