I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
