I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
