I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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