You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
