We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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