1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
