my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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