And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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