also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
