Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
