WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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