why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
