So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
