Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
