Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
