Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
