Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she looked like the before picture.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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