you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
