just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
