why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
