I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
