Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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