Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
