I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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