Buhtt sex?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
