this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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