your room smells of hookers.
And success
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
