Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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