The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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