THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
