If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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